The Trial
by HeWhoEatsHoneyontheMountain
Summary: A spiritual courtroom. Is Mr. Marvin prepared? Not meant to be overly accurate.


This is a skit I wrote back toward the end of my Junior year in 07. Looking at it now I bet I could make it longer. If anyone has any ideas feel free to suggest them.  
This is the one script I always wanted to make into a movie and never did...

Characters:

Lawyer

Marvin Brown

Devil

Angel

Demon Extras

(Setting: Spiritual courtroom. The devil is sitting at the right hand table. Marvin and his lawyer enter from the right hand side.

Marvin is dressed in an extremely expensive looking suit. The lawyer is dressed professionally, with a suit. An angel wearing a white robe is standing behind the right hand table.)

Marvin: Wow. Here we are. I guess we should sit down?

Lawyer: Yeah better.

Marvin: (Looking above the audiences' heads, squinting) I didn't know God Himself would be our judge.

Lawyer: Uh-huh, listen, Marvin, try to-

Marvin: Are you a real angel?

Lawyer: Quiet! Listen; try not to talk too much, alright? I believe I have everything under control.

Marvin: You believe?

Angel: Who is this Mr. Brown?

Marvin: Him? Oh, this is my lawyer.

Angel: Your lawyer?

Marvin: Yeah, I wanted to insure my everlasting bliss.

Devil: (Between fits of laughter at the last remark. Sarcastically) good for you! Planning ahead like that.

Marvin: I thought so (sits down with lawyer).

Angel: Hmm… all rise (everyone stands. They sit after a few seconds.) The defendant, Mr. Marvin Brown, has been accused of not worshiping the true God, idolatry, murder-

Marvin: Hey! I never murdered! Well…

Angel: Have you ever been unjustly angry at anyone?

Marvin: Well, yes.

Angel: By our standards that's murder.

Marvin: Oh.

Angel: Alright… adultery, telling 12,468 lies-

Marvin: Oh my goodness, they counted.

Angel: and envy

Lawyer: (To Marvin) stay quiet. (To audience/ God) My client, Mr. Marvin Brown has been accused of several crimes, all of which we cannot deny. The only punishment is eternal damnation. But is this that serious? Is he really so evil, as to spend eternity in Hell? The fate of a man's soul lies on this trial and must not be taken lightly. As shown earlier, my client spent nearly one fifth of his life angry. What about the other four fifths? Has anyone taken this into consideration? What about the good? What about all the tithes and money he gave to the poor? The soup kitchens? As well, don't forget that he was a good father and husband. As for all the wrong he has done, the noble by far outweighs the bad (sits down. Long pause. Satan, who is still at the other table, is looking at something on the ceiling. Longer pause.). Aren't you going to say anything?

Devil: I would hate to waste breath. (Looking at Marvin) I won't condemn you, child. Your sins will though (laughs to himself). Let's see here… I do believe I will start with words. Here (pulls out a large stack of papers and plops them onto his own table, analyzing).

Marvin: You know, my senses are sharper now. Like that time I said how many hours I was angry. That's just neat.

Devil: And you will need those. (After Marvin crosses to chair) Here (gives papers to Marvin).

Marvin: What do I do?

Devil: Explain why you said everything you have ever said carelessly. They're on those sheets.

Marvin: Everything?

Devil: Everything. You were warned in Matthew.

Marvin: Oh of course. Let's see. "1. I didn't eat it."

Devil: But you did eat it. We saw you.

Marvin: How young was I when I did that? My goodness, I must have only been-

Devil: That doesn't matter, from the time you can make a conscious sin, you may make a conscious repentance, which is something you never did do. Well, what is your explanation?

Marvin: But I was so young!

Devil: A sin is always a sin. What else would it be? Did you tell the truth?

Marvin: No.

Devil: Then what was it?

Marvin: I don't know.

Devil: If it is not the truth, then it is a lie. Right?

Marvin: Right.

Devil: So what did you tell if you did not tell the truth?

Marvin: A lie?

Devil: A lie. And whats more, a sin-

Lawyer: I object! That's faulty logic.

Devil: No it isn't. And a sin against your Maker! What is second on that list?

Marvin: (Still a bit shocked. Looks at paper.) "2. Of course you are not fat."

Devil: She was fat, you liar.

Marvin: Well, she was awfully emotional and I didn't want to hurt her feelings- and, uh, I don't know. I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

Devil: So you deceived her because you didn't want to upset her. I see. 12,466 left. Please, continue to number three on the list?

Lawyer: (To self) this is going to take a while. (Sees a Bible) hmmm (lights dim and go off) what's this?  
(Lights come back on. This is a quick break, and the trial will start soon. Marvin is sitting at the table and completely overwhelmed at the last part. The lawyer is looking through his notes. He is looking for something, yet seems to be completely overlooking it. Demonic extras are scurrying around in back carrying kindling to the left side exit. The lights are still somewhat dimmed)

Marvin: Wow. They counted everything.

Lawyer: (glancing up slightly) uh-huh.

Marvin: I mean, I was ready for something, but not all that.

Lawyer: (Glances up and just goes on. He is growing tired of Marvin. Pause) If you are guilty, I fear for the rest of my clients.

Marvin: What are the plans now?

Lawyer: Oh, I'll go with the same story. Your good doesn't outweigh the bad, but I can still overemphasize it. That probably won't work.

Marvin: Stress my going to Church.

Lawyer: Why?

Marvin: God likes church goers.

Lawyer: I don't know. Did you wear a tie?

Marvin: (sighs) No.

Lawyer: This really isn't going to work.

Marvin: There's always the insanity plea.

Lawyer: True.  
(Enter: devil and angel. Devil sits down. Lights come on more.)

Angel: This court is coming back into session. All rise (stand, except devil. Then sit).

Lawyer: If I may restate my case. My client, Mr. Marvin Brown, has been accused of crimes we cannot deny. Such crimes are worthy of death and, frankly, Hell. However, is his life as a whole worthy of Hell? I think not. He was a good person. He did good things. If he can't make it, how can anyone? I did some Bible reading, and it says that works without faith is dead! Dead! Where would we be if everyone lived like a-( At this point, God cuts him off. The Lawyer stands slightly dazed at the question.) What? (silence) I- I don't know. I'll ask. (Hushed, to Marvin) He asked, "Did you know My Son?"

Marvin: What?

Lawyer: "Did you know My Son?"

Marvin: I guess so.

Lawyer: Are you sure?

Marvin: No.

Devil: Ah yes, the all important question. While the other things may prove you to be a sinner, this is the determining factor. If he says no, it's all over.

Lawyer: What do you mean, "No"? I thought you were a Christian!

Marvin: I thought I was! I went to church every Sunday. But now that I'm here, I just don't know.

Lawyer: That is probably a sign you didn't. I'll just have to tell them-

Marvin: No! Just tell them I did.

Lawyer: You seriously think they'll believe that lie?

Marvin: Yeah. You do it though.

Lawyer: (To audience) my client says he did…know Your Son… (under breath) regardless he didn't (silence. Turns.) Well?

Marvin: What?

Lawyer: He wants to hear it from you, because he has no recollection of you.

Devil: I wonder why he won't remember you.

Marvin: I see. Well, your honor, I did know Your Son. (Awkward). Well, I didn't know Him well, but I did know Him! (Sighs. Looking at lawyer) is it too late to beg for mercy?

Lawyer: Yes.

Devil: I rest my case.

Marvin: Is it too for the insanity plea

Lawyer: Yes.

Devil: There's the magic question. "Did you know My Son?" That's where I always win. Might as well come with me.

Lawyer: Nothing has been decided yet.

Devil: The writing on the wall.

Marvin: Maybe you can have my sentence lightened. Aren't there layers in Hell, like five?

Devil: Salvation. It was available to everyone. You could have had it any time. Stupid human.

Lawyer: Wait. Did you know this?

Marvin: Sure. Pastor wouldn't stop yakking about it.

Lawyer: You knew this? Why didn't you accept?

Marvin: I told you! I thought I did, I did good things.

Lawyer: Why did you bother hiring me if you weren't going to take this seriously?

Marvin: Already! You told me- (cut off by God. All look up. Pause).

(Eventually, the angel leads Marvin off left exit, with his sword. The devil happily exits pursuing them. More demons with kindling follow. Lawyer sits down and goes quiet. It just ends.)

Lawyer: "Did you know My Son?" (Spends a few more seconds thinking and then leaves off right.)

Finish


End file.
